can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
