An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
