hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
