foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
