THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize