You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
