remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
