Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize