The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
