Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
