I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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