you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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