Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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