Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
