I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
