So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
