Soap is not a condiment
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
