I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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