just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
