found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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