Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
