I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
