i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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