where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
