So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
