mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
