Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bring me that man meat
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
