The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
