who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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