Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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