My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We need to get me chipped asap
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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