even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
