By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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