3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
