The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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