i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just threw up on my dentist
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
