pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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