hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
