the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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