he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
