So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
