What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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