what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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