If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
