Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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