That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
