We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
