I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
