There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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