Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dignity is for republicans.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
