he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
