It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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