walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
