So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My bed smells like the plague
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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