No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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