my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
