I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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