This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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