He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
