Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
