We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
