I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
