tell your sister to shave her snatch
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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