as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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