My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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