3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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