so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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