I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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