I cannot find my penis.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize