Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
