I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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