the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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