the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
